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Working dad: whilst sharing parenting

11/6/2016

8 Comments

 
Working dad holding baby son boy after work before shared parental leave SPL
​My wife goes back to work on Tuesday and I'll start my turn on parental leave. So looking back, what’s it been like sharing parenting and working full-time? Over the last 5 months, we’ve been sharing parenting during the weekends and evenings, with her looking after the Little Bear full-time whilst I’m at work Monday to Thursday. It’s good to be reminded of what it feels like to be the more traditional working but active dad.

Three weeks after Little Bear arrived (probably the toughest life change to date), I went back to work. Travelling a lot with my job meant that a day after getting back to the office, I was on the plane to Vienna. ​ 
​I won’t lie, I was very excited about the prospect of my first full night sleep in a hotel, with no baby interruptions. Unfortunately, due to the psychological trauma we had faced over the last few weeks, I woke up every hour startled, looking for a crying Little Bear. I probably felt more exhausted when I got back to London than when I set out… Since then, each time I’m abroad for work, I’ve been faced with mixed feelings: I’ve enjoyed the break, but also really missed my buddies (baby and his mamma) back at home...
Yes, a break. I’ve never referred to needing to labour through two day long meetings (however much I like my job) as a ‘break’ before, but there is an odd sense of life being easier when you leave the house in the mornings to head to work. Before I’m accused of enjoying running away, I should clarify that this isn’t just because it’s less exhausting to work in an
office than being a parent. It’s also because you get a clearer perspective on life.
Picture
No baby :(
​Before, the office was where the drama, excitement and challenges were, and home was the place you came to relax. But having a kid changes that. Little Bear growing up happily starts trumping every ‘big’ issue at work, and you start getting more perspective on what’s important in life. If someone disagrees with you on something small, you feel less need to challenge them.
Picture
Instead of getting caught up in work issues, you get easily distracted when your partner sends you adorable videos of your baby laughing at his dolly (not that you would be looking at these videos during important meetings…). You stop ‘sweating the small stuff’, unless it involves the consistency of your baby’s poo. Work becomes a little less serious, and just a little more fun, along with the rest of life.
​Of course, working whilst being an active dad has some professional downsides. Namely, an acceptance that I would have to operate in the office with at least 30 fewer IQ points (I think that just about reflects my inability to form proper sentences in meetings). My co-workers are (usually) polite enough not to comment on the bags under my eyes or the unkempt mess of my beard. And I have so far received no comments on the marks of baby vomit I find on my clothes around lunch time.
​Whilst the office still takes up most of the days, I had a lot of time with Little Bear, taking every Friday off, and having ‘Pappa-bebis tid’ (Swedish for daddy-baby time) for 2 hours every morning when I woke up. This became more and more fun as he started to smile with excited eyes every time I great him with a ‘god morgon plutten!’ (morning little ‘plop’) at 5:40am (because that’s when he decides to wake up). These morning hours have been great, and I’m sure mum will be enjoying ‘Mamma-bebis tid’ in the morning from Tuesday.
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Early pappa-bebis tid
​So all around you feel messier, more tired, and slower in the office than before. But at the same time things are just better. I’m looking forward to seeing how Little Bear's mum will manage with it, just as much as she’ll be looking at me settle into the full-time parenting role.
Petite Pudding
Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com
8 Comments
Rach link
5/9/2016 09:26:48 am

Lovely post. It took me a while to get used to working and being mum but we soon found a routine which worked for us as a family #eatsleepblogRT

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Lucy At Home link
8/9/2016 10:11:39 pm

I find this a really interesting article. I am a stay at home mum and my hubby works. Whenever I'm panicking that I'm a rubbish mum because I've had a tough day with the kids, my hubby reassures me that my job is really hard and that going to work, for him, is a break! I always worry about distracting him from important work matters, etc, by sending photos or texting him about my day, but he encourages me to. This post has really opened my eyes to what it's like for the 'working' partner. Thanks #BrillBlogPosts

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Dave
8/9/2016 11:19:17 pm

Thanks Lucy. Im really glad! Your husband will be loving those pics and updates I'm sure of it!

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Dave
8/9/2016 11:20:31 pm

I should have also said that by 'working' I meant paid. It's a LOT of working looking after the kids full time too!

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John Adams link
9/9/2016 11:52:11 am

Well, as someone who has been a stay at home dad now for four years, be prepared! Things are gonna change and at times it'll be tough. You will, none the less, get to spend precious time with your child. It;s something very few men get to do. Make the most of every moment. #BrilliantBlogPosts

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Dave
9/9/2016 09:15:41 pm

Certainly will John! Cheers

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Petite Pudding link
9/9/2016 08:59:12 pm

Love the early morning chats:) I think its great that you guys are taking shared parental leave - good luck to you with bubba and good luck to Mummy going to back work. Lots of changes to come #EatSleepBlogRT

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rachel (lifeofmyfamilyandme) link
10/9/2016 04:09:51 pm

Awe it's lovely that you have taken such an active role already! My hubby was able able to take the first 2 weeks off with me when our children where born. I took the first year off with both but hubby still pulled his weight when he was home. I felt bad leaving him to go to work while i stayed at home. During the school holidays i will still send him pics of the kids even though they are 5 and 11 :) #EatSleepBlogRt

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    I'm Dave, dad of Little Bear. Also known as 'Pappa' to the little man as we try and bring out his Swedish roots

    My wife and I are sharing the troubles and joys of bringing up Little Bear equally. This is about my half of the time being responsible for not breaking the baby

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