When I say softer parent, I’m not thinking about round the waist. At the moment I’m leading that one. The question is: out of mum and dad, who is more willing to break when the baby’s siren starts up?
The stereotype is that mums give the cuddles, and dads dish out the discipline. Alternatively, dads leave all the strict stuff and coddling to the mums, and occasionally peer over their newspapers to tickle the little ones. I’m guessing that in most modern families, the picture is no longer so clear.
Little Bear now thinks he’s learnt to run. He is mistaken. He toddles towards his goal building enthusiasm on the way and starts leaning forward to pick up his pace. This inevitably leads to him toppling over as his legs fail to catch up with his head. Despite doing this several times a day, he still has the same shocked reaction: ‘what, just, happened. The floor was under me, now it is on my face’.
When Pappa sees this (he smothers a laugh as it looks hilarious), and waits. If Little Bear isn’t that bothered, and he knows Pappa’s not going to run over, he just pulls himself up, and starts another attempt at sprinting. When Mamma sees it happening, you can guarantee a note of panic will come from wherever she is in the house or nearby in the park. She covers a good 10 meters or so with obstacles inbetween in the blink of an eye and swoops the now crying Little Bear off the floor for soothing. So far, Pappa is stronger, and Mamma is softer. But, when it comes to eating there’s different story. The other week I picked Little Bear up from nursery, and in the friendly and un-intrusive way nursery staff do, his key carer brought up his poor eating habits: ‘when we have tea, the babies usually all sit down to eat, but he tends to not like that. By any chance, does he eat whilst walking around at home at the same time as playing?’… Pappa's response: ‘Really!? Hmmm, it’s probably his mum doing that…’ That was a lie. When it comes to food, Mamma puts him in his high chair and lets him feed himself. Because Little Bear knows Pappa is weaker, he insists on having his toast whilst walking around. Desperate to make sure he eats, I have been known to run after him whilst he’s toddling around with a rattle in one hand and a sandwich in the other, at the same time as giving his audience of toys a lecture. When I try and sit him at the table, he just gives me an indignant look and holds his arms up. I break quickly and the meal moves to the play area. Mamma stronger, Pappa softer. When it comes to sleeping, we’re both a little soft. In the last few months, since he’s started to get a lot more clingy to his parents, Little Bear wakes up around mid-night and demands to come into our bed for the rest of the night. We never did it when he was smaller, but now it's not so dangerous, why not? ‘It’s a bad habit’ we’re told, ‘he should be in his own room by now’ they say, ‘you’re not doing yourselves any favours in the long-term’. But, secretly, it’s quite lovely having the little snuggle pudding stop crying the moment he puts his head on one of our shoulders. Or, as is more commonly the case, puts his feet in one of our faces because he’s decided lying horizontally is sooo much better. For reassurance in the night, his little hand searches for my face with his eyes closed. Feeling the beard in the right place, he falls back to sleep. Being a parent has a lot of costs and strains, but these moments are definitely some of the benefits, even if it means we have less space, we can have less blanket on the bed, and have 10 cm of mattress to sleep on. So Mamma and Pappa both seem soft on this one. Final score of who is softest parent:
Winner = Little Bear Who’s the softer parent in your family?
29 Comments
31/3/2017 03:21:50 pm
I think in our house we're about the same. We both have a similar parenting style, by that I mean daddy follows mummy's lead except with discipline. We have the same ideas on discipline. But that also means we're both soft on the same things- Jessica coming into bed with us early in the morning, Reuben having Friday as a lazy night and pizza in front of the tv but it works for us and we're happy! #thatfridaylinky
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Anonymous
29/4/2017 08:42:22 am
I like the sound of this lazy Friday :)
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Nige
1/4/2017 08:51:53 pm
I wrote a post similar to this a year or so ago and I came to the conclusion that we are both soft fab post really intersting read Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please
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10/4/2017 07:24:03 am
I think we're fairly equal and both know certain things like whacking the coffee table with toys are not acceptable!! I am probably slightly softer with some things and Paul perhaps for others and he'll give in and cuddle her more when I'm busy trying to prepare dinner and she's swinging off my legs. Its the same with the elder one too, she can win me over a bit more easily! Thanks for joining us for #marvmondays
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Anonymous
29/4/2017 08:44:27 am
Why is making noise whilst damaging furniture so popular? A good thing to be firm on though!
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10/4/2017 03:43:54 pm
Hubby!! 100% My eldest knows it too and expects him to lie with her at bedtime and give her treats. hehe. It actually helps me as she is better behaved! xx #marvmondays
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13/4/2017 07:05:00 am
I think both my parents are soft in their own ways. My mummy can be VERY stern with me to show me who's boss. Occasionally she does this with daddy too ;) #SharingTheBlogLove
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13/4/2017 07:31:39 am
Brilliant post. In our house it's pretty even too, Daddy is softer when it comes to bedtimes and treats, I'm softer when it comes to mealtimes and chores. All that really matters is that you stick together and back each other up when it comes to the important stuff.
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Dave
29/4/2017 08:45:58 am
Totally agree! United front
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13/4/2017 08:04:16 am
Haha! It really depends on the situation. We co parent, but even before that, I've been like you with eating. B likes to rough and tumble and often falls, but I have learnt that almost 100% of the times he just dusts himself off and carries on, so I have trained myself to hold back a tiny bit. Even though it kills me! 😂
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Dave
29/4/2017 08:47:56 am
Can be really tough not to jump in at first tumble (even if just for the cuddle), but often worth it
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14/4/2017 10:36:26 am
We're fairly equal when it comes to being firm with the girls. There are situations where hubby is the softer one and situations where I am the softer one. Having the children in our bed is one where I'm a little softer than hubby on it, but he's quite happy to go along with it too. We're now at the stage where our 5 year old decides she is no longer comfortable enough in our bed and will get out and return to her own by herself. She is also sleeping in her own bed all night long more frequently than she did. I have never bought into the idea that I'll never get them out of our bed if I let them in - yes we've had a long time of co-sleeping but now that our eldest is less keen, I'm starting to miss those snuggles with her. They aren't in your bed forever and they're only little for a short time really. #ablogginggoodtime
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15/4/2017 06:46:00 pm
Ooh, that's a tricky one! My husband is more likely than me to give into requests so that he has an easier life. I'm more likely to dole out the cuddles and fuss when there's a tumble. And I'm far less likely than my husband to give in to taking our toddler into our bed in the night - but that's principally because he will proced to grope me all night while my husband happily dozes off! I'm much more relaxed about food though, and if my son doesn't want dinner I won't try to encourage him to eat, whereas my husband will definitely try the whole, "if you eat a tiny bit we can do xyz". I guess every parenting team is the same - we both have areas where we're strict and areas where we're soft, and that can depend on the situation as well as the parent! Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove
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We're a mix. I do most of the doing stuff with N - I'm the one that makes him do homework, I get him to school (although sometimes I do end up having to dress him), I sort out mealtimes. With manners it's both of us.
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17/4/2017 06:17:37 pm
Love this! Daddy is definitely the softer one overall with both our girls and is having to toughen up a bit as Alice has got older. I'm a lot softer with Holly, than I was with Alice. She gets away with a lot more and I too follower her around poking food into her mouth just to get her to eat something! Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove
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19/4/2017 08:38:46 pm
I dont have much choice as I am the only parent so I get to do both!
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19/4/2017 10:07:41 pm
I'm most definitely the softer parent - I take the path of least resistance every time! #ablogginggoodtime
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20/4/2017 01:30:55 pm
When I lived with my parents, they always undermined me so the kids knew to ask them if I'd said no. Ironic as my kids get away with loads more than me and my sister ever did! #sharingthebloglove
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20/4/2017 08:04:58 pm
Haha, this is so true about modern parenting. For one particular habit, one parent rules with an iron fist, the other buckles. Then a different habit it's the reverse. I think we probably come out about equal in our house too! #SharingTheBlogLove
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21/4/2017 01:56:29 pm
Great post - I think we measure up quite evenly - it depends on the day and how we are feeling rather than the situation! #SharingTheBlogLove
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22/4/2017 06:26:25 pm
When I ask my husband why she's got that or doing that he says 'she was crying'. *shakes head*. I'm the one with the discipline. #SharingTheBlogLove
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Dave
29/4/2017 08:49:57 am
Hehe, I think we've both found ourselves in your shoes before ;)
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25/4/2017 02:46:07 pm
Ah such a good post. We are a mix too. Daddy is more stern on food I think and I'm definitely more soft on the whole pick them up when crying - but generally if my toddler is hurt she calls for me. I'm more strict on the whole punishment after biting/hitting phase we've been through but that's because it happened to me the most! #SharingtheBlogLove
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29/4/2017 04:40:13 pm
I love this post. You had me laughing out loud at some parts and nodding in agreement at others. Peachy is very much like your little one. She isn't at the stage where she can get into our bed in the middle of the night. We never really co-slept either because we were told it isn't safe. I secretly long for the night when Peachy arrives at my bedside demanding to climb aboard. Sorry for the late comment. #SharingtheBlogLove
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AuthorI'm Dave, dad of Little Bear. Also known as 'Pappa' to the little man as we try and bring out his Swedish roots Categories
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