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warning for expectant parents

30/6/2016

20 Comments

 
Dad father holding newborn baby bonding with son
The hyperactivity and giggling of Little Bear is great now, but we shouldn’t forget what it was like at the beginning. I think there’s no real warning about the first few weeks of being a parent! Durex might get a sales bump if the NHS gave more honest advice on this. The first few weeks we were in shell-shock, with a quick nostalgia for the good old days where we had so much more freedom, and regular sleeping patterns and meal times. Don’t get me wrong, the first day or so you’re on a high like no other (partly supported by being awake for three days solid and sneaking some hits from the gas & air in the delivery suite).
But it starts getting really tough really quickly. Both getting up a dozen or so times every night to feed our wide-eyed (not yet so charming) little troll. As a warning to those who are expecting, there isn’t really anything in life that will prepare you for these first few weeks, especially if your little guy or gal has trouble with breastfeeding (ours had ‘tongue-tie’ which wasn’t diagnosed until we insisted the midwives double checked). We discovered pushy and paranoid parenting fueled by grumpy sleep deprivation was essential to helping your baby...
As during labour, dad’s feel a little helpless during this time, since all you can do is run around mum trying to help her get to grips with feeding this new little creature (and of course change his nappy). Mum of course has it way tougher, with constant pressure on her from others to be super-mum whilst not passing out from exhaustion and painful boobs.
To top this off, we had to go back into hospital (and for me this meant more 'sleeping' in a chair) for 3 days, just after we got home, because he turned yellow (jaundice).

This exhaustion is made all the worse if they get colic (as Little Bear did), screaming to feed every few minutes, then gulping down air, and unable to burp afterwards. All the time both parents spending hours singing whilst hopping around the room patting his little nappy and rubbing his back, in a continuous struggle to comfort this helpless little guy.
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But it all changes the moment he stops giving you a creepy grimace from trapped wind, and gives you a real smile. He does love you after all, and you’re not just a hairy nappy changing facility to assist boob-lady. You notice shortly after that he extends the same expression of love to his cuddly toy robot with a face on… so you’re still just the hairy nappy changer, but now with a face. But it’s a step that changes everything. By this time your body expects less, lower quality, and more erratic sleep.
We also, despite lots of unhelpful pressure from healthcare professionals to avoid the evil bottle at all cost, had started to mix breast with some bottle feeding by this time. This was the best decision we’ve made so far with him. He immediately started eating better, and we could both bond properly with him (him looking into our eyes whilst feeding, rather than being squished with much complaint into a boob). This just stresses how important it is for every family to make the best feeding choices for them, and not feel pressured by what others think is best.
In those early days, he would also save up his poo for the most inconvenient times (yes, no early parent story is complete without a mention of poo). After several days of nothing, we would be out with him and suddenly, the explosion would come. Once, several days of saved up poo made an appearance a few seconds before he was about to have his tongue-tie operation, which he was clearly not keen on… (tactical little genius, this bought him another 30 minutes at least). For a first-time exhausted parent, this was a bit of a shock, since he was keen not to make the nappy and clothes changing process easy. Sparing you the details, let’s just say it got messy enough for him to go into the sink. But you get on top of (or use to) these things.
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It was really tough to go back to work after three weeks, especially since I had to travel several times the weeks after. But with lots of (invaluable) help from relatives when I was away, and knowing I would be falling asleep (more than usual) at work, we started to adapt to our new lives as parents. Step-by-step, things get easier and more rewarding. By the time I started my parental leave, we were already starting to be good buddies.

So for expecting parents, be warned. There may be a pretty big dip in the first few weeks, as your life undergoes the biggest sudden change it’s ever experienced. But it does get better.
Petite Pudding
20 Comments
Catherine link
4/9/2016 08:52:59 pm

Love this honest account!! Will be sharing!! #EatSleepBlogRT

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the frenchie mummy link
4/9/2016 09:27:16 pm

Lovely post! I reminded me of the first weeks with Baba too. It's crazy how we can forget so quickly, especially when they grow so fast. The early days seems like an old memory now. #EatSleepBlogRT

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claire link
5/9/2016 07:34:21 am

This. this this this. And despite reading excellent posts like this, they will still have no idea what's coming! At least it's worth it ;) #EatSleepBlogRT

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Dave
5/9/2016 10:36:09 am

So true Claire! There's no way to prepare really :)

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Rach link
5/9/2016 09:23:14 am

Love this, so candid and honest. Nothing, I repeat nothing can prepare you for those first few days and weeks. Tough isn't the word, mentally, emotionally and physically. #eatsleepblogRT

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Petite Pudding link
9/9/2016 08:08:25 pm

A brilliantly honest account of those first few weeks. Love the pre-tongue tie poo explosion. These babies know how to time these things! #EatSleepBlogRT

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Dave
9/9/2016 09:16:48 pm

It can be so strategic sometimes!

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Laura Clark link
10/9/2016 07:50:25 am

Awesome post! So important for expectant parents to know what a hurricane those first few weeks are #eatsleepblog

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rachel (lifeofmyfamilyandme) link
10/9/2016 12:02:37 pm

So honest! A post every expectant parent should read! I remember the lack of sleep, feeding and poo explosions all too well although it was years ago now! #EatSleepBlogRt

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Becca | Pears and Chocolate Sauce link
10/9/2016 03:01:47 pm

You are so right! I remember someone telling me that until they crack a smile it really can just feel like you're getting nothing back for all your hard work. Those feelings all disappear when you see that little smile though! #eatsleepblogrt

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Emma link
28/9/2016 10:29:42 am

Very true. Actually there needs to be more posts like this. I remember with Oldest (who didn't sleep for three years!) thinking that we were the only ones who were feeling like this and that we must be awful parents as everyone else from NCT seemed so together and very yummy mummy. We were also made to feel like complete failures when we had to start giving bottles and we too ended back in hospital. Those early days are tough and if you aren't careful you can feel very alone. #BestandWorst

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Dave
28/9/2016 04:37:27 pm

Oh no. Out NCT group had quite a few problems which I think helped us as we could all talk about it. Sucks when you feel alone in that sort of state. Thanks for comment

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Fiona Cambouropoulos link
28/9/2016 10:45:14 am

Sound advice and believe me it keeps getting better the more they grow up #Best&Worst

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Kat link
28/9/2016 11:18:33 am

It's so good to share those early few days, they're far behind me for now but maybe one day in the future I'll be experiencing them again! #bestandworst

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Helen Gandy link
30/9/2016 10:25:49 pm

You have absolutely hit the nail on the head with this post!! Thanks for linking up #bestandworst

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Crummy Mummy link
2/10/2016 07:26:06 pm

I'm currently expecting number three so feel fairly well equipped with what to expect - sounds like you're doing great! #bestandworst

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Fran Back With A Bump link
27/2/2017 06:42:49 pm

The exhaustion to begin with is ridiculous. Obviously as a mum your body goes through a lot of stress, but even as a dad it's days of being up potentially followed by that high of having just had a baby...and then the sleepless nights! We finally brought Pops home after 15 days in SCBU and my husband was at work the next day! Not ideal and we were both shattered!! Great, honest post. Thanks for sharing for #marvmondays

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Sam - Stressy Mama link
27/2/2017 07:57:50 pm

This is brilliant. Nice to see things from dad's perspective. I've also had my fair share of explosive poo incidents.. haha
#marvmondays

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Helen @Talking_Mums link
27/2/2017 09:33:38 pm

Sound advice. There really isn't anything that can prepare you is there x
#MarvMondays

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Peachy and her mommy link
1/3/2017 04:39:59 am

We also supplemented with formula for a little while. At first it made me feel so guilty but once I saw the positive results I realized I had been a fool to not do it earlier. All the good advice isn't always as good as advertised. You have to trust yourself and do what works for your family. #MarvMondays

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    I'm Dave, dad of Little Bear. Also known as 'Pappa' to the little man as we try and bring out his Swedish roots

    My wife and I are sharing the troubles and joys of bringing up Little Bear equally. This is about my half of the time being responsible for not breaking the baby

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