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Not so sleeping baby

25/10/2016

18 Comments

 
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Out of the three basic baby needs: nappies, naps and nourishment, it's gotta be sleeping that feels the least predictable and the most fraught. Get it right, and your baby will be bubbling. Get it wrong, and either your baby will become an angry little troll when you want to play with them, or they'll want to play with you in the middle of the night, when you feel like the angry troll.
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When they're hungry, despite some struggles with food, the solution is mostly simple, at least with Little Bear. You just provide him with milk, and if he's not too hungry, some solids first. Nappies are rarely a problem. So babies occasionally have poo explosions. But you just clean them, change them, chuck another load of clothes into the washing, clear up the poo marks on the floor where he was crawling before you realised what had happened, and you're all good.

But sleep... Until recently, Little Bear had been waking up around five or six times every night needing milk. If we ignore the first few weeks when the little mite would sleep anywhere anytime because he didn't know the difference between night and day, that's over 8 months of one of us having regular very interrupted sleep. The only way we coped with this was knowing that if it was our turn during the week, it was only five nights of not sleeping properly, before the other parent would take over on that wonderful Friday night. No longer do I look forward to the pub on Friday evenings, but a nice early night and 8 hours continuous sleep.

The thing is, I got used to waking up so regularly that it stopped bothering me. I'm ok with it, he seems happy during the day, why should I bother changing it? Well, Little Bear being sick a few weeks back deprived of my sleep-deprivation tolerance reserves, so we agree to try some sleep training. Amazingly, it worked the first time. Well, almost. He still wakes up for two feeds a night, but we tend to get a good 5 hours without him waking in-between so I'm happy as Larry. I still wake up every hour or two to check he's still alive due to the lack of crying, but all around better still. I am however waiting for this to breakdown, and for him to slip back into the frequent night wake-ups.

​Napping is a whole lot less predictable. I've been trying to establish a routine for around 4 months now. That's what all the books say. That's what Google says. But it never works! When he's meant to sleep he's an excitable tickle monster. And when he needs to be awake, he's rubbing his eyes and approaching a melt-down.
 
There is a clear correlation between how much nap time he gets, and how happy he is. But I don't get to decide how long he naps.
Pappa: 'Please, Pappa wants to take you to play with your friends today and you need to nap for an hour before we go'
Little Bear: 'So, like, 10 minutes then?'
Pappa: 'No, go back to sleep'
Little Bear: 'I get it, you want to play peek-a-poo!'
2 hours later in Soft Play
Little Bear: 'Why is the world so cruel! [rubbing eyes]'
Or conversely there're the times when we need to leave at a certain time so Pappa plans the nap perfectly, but Little Bear decides we will continue to sleep (only when you don't want them to) well past his normal nap time to guarantee they're late.

The only certain way that I can still get him to sleep, is in the baby-carrier. Just like my first week on parental leave, although I've now learnt how I can wear it without breaking my back. Pop him in the carrier, blanket over his eyes whilst hopping like a fool, he starts babbling and the babbling slowly but surely turns into sleep. I then have to ignore all the judging parents who think I'm suffocating him because they just see the blanket on his face not my hand holding it up (I've even received a few comments like 'you know they have to breath right?' [sorry, I thought babies could cope without air, I'm only a dad after all]). But he's asleep, happy, and the overtired meltdown is avoided.
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And if you miss the randomly baby-chosen nap time, you either get an overtired meltdown, where you as the parent are an asshole, whatever you do. Or are faced with a dilemma as the fall asleep in their high-chair or on the floor... Do I move them to a better sleeping place where they wont be rudely awoken by head butting the solid surface their resting on? Or do I leave them there knowing I don't want to be the asshole that wakes them up early and feels their wrath. Many parenting decisions can be made instantly by the one holding the baby, but if mamma is around, we'll always need a chat on what's best to do. You can imagine this is one of the more riveting conversations of the day.

Of course, if you can't get him to sleep in the afternoon at the right time (for us it's by 4:30pm) then you have to decide whether to cope with the tiredness whinging before an early bed-time at 6pm, or give him a late nap and expect him to be trying to crawl on to you lap by holding onto your leg-hair and throwing your dinner on the floor at 9pm during you precious 'us-time' when he should be sleeping.

But the days you get it right and he plays by the rules! Rare though they may be, are worth it. He's happy and giggly, your happy and not in need of four cups of coffee just to stay awake. It's these days (and the times when he's fast asleep) that you really get to enjoy parenting.
18 Comments
Something About Baby link
27/10/2016 02:48:35 pm

I recently wrote a very similar post to this about not having a routine - Alfie has never been one for sleeping when you need him to, and although it be a pain sometimes, I quickly came to realise that he was happier doing it his way, so we just went with it. However, the sleep deprivation is very trying now I'm back at work full time, and my husband doesn't "do" night time so I'm on my own! You will find that just as Little Bear gets into his own pattern of sleeping, something will happen to shift it all out again (usually teeth!!) #ablogginggoodtime

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Dave
9/11/2016 09:57:25 am

Really is a nightmare sometimes but all worth it!

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Something About Baby link
23/11/2016 03:16:35 pm

Popping back from #MarvMondays and hoping the sleeping situation is slightly better!

Catie link
27/10/2016 06:41:12 pm

My kids are older 7 & 9 but on the odd occasion when they are ill and we have a sleepless night this awful memories of sleep deprivation come flooding back. OMG I do not envy you and would literally do anything to get my kids to sleep. Please ignore those judge comments, sounds to me like you're doing an amazing job! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉

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Dave
9/11/2016 09:59:07 am

They mean well but can be annoying. Thanks for linky

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Twin Pickle link
30/10/2016 10:04:26 pm

Lack of sleep... a new mom's worst affliction! He'll work it out eventually, although by then he may be 15 and you won't be able to get him out of bed, haha. I'm afraid I have no wise words or advice, just hang on in there!! #EatSleepBloRT

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Kimberley | Oh Just My Little Blog link
30/10/2016 10:45:10 pm

'You know he needs to breathe right?' Haha some people! As if someone said that to you

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Dave
9/11/2016 09:59:44 am

Unbelievable right?!

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Petite Pudding link
4/11/2016 07:23:22 pm

Ah they always know when you need them to sleep so they aren't cranky later.... My first was a great day time napper and still at 5 he can be persuaded pretty easily into having an hours nap in the afternoon. But Pudding? No way that girl makes her own rules.... #EatSleepBlogRT

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Dave
9/11/2016 10:00:58 am

Pudding and Little Bear would get on I'm sure ;)

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Emma Islandliving365.com link
21/11/2016 11:53:05 am

Ahh, those babies and their naps. It's like a tricky challenge that we can quite solve. With Oldest I tried to follow Gina Ford but she was so regimented when it came to naps and I quickly came to the conclusion that Gina was nuts and going with the flow was much easier #MarvMondays

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Jackie link
21/11/2016 02:00:45 pm

Hahaha! This is hilarious. I feel your pain. I love the bit about us being the trolls in the middle of the night - so me :-) My little one always wakes up from her nap after no time at all if we have nothing to do and will sleep for 3 hours when we have somewhere to go. Ive decided they must be psychic haha #marvmondays

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Kat link
21/11/2016 06:18:32 pm

I have to say I'm glad these days are behind me for now. My daughter is six now and does really love her sleep. She does however get very HANGRY. #MarvMondays

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catherine link
21/11/2016 09:35:33 pm

If only babies read the parenting book.
#marvmondays

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Dave
22/11/2016 05:00:24 pm

Haha! So true, would make life easier

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Cherry - The Newby Tribe link
23/11/2016 02:06:33 pm

My kids are 4 and 6 but I still dread when one of them is ill and we have a few sleepless nights - I am always a nightmare! Sleep deprivation and training is so hard! #marvmondays

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Amie link
25/11/2016 10:23:08 pm

I feel like I'm living in a house full of angry trolls lately! My 4 month old really doesn't like to sleep at night but is more than happy to sleep all day long! (Go figure hey!) I really hope he settles down soon. With an overly energetic 19 month old I feel like the real walking dead most days #MarvMondays

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My Petit Canard link
27/11/2016 10:42:58 pm

Reading your post really reminded me of our experience with our first baby. She was a terrible sleeper and despite us trying many things we were never able to establish any type of routine. When we realised this we gave up and just went with the flow realising happier baby = happier mummy and daddy. Second time round we have been much more lucky and have a baby that is a creature of habit that has created his own routine. After having a very stressful and tiresome experience the first time round, we know how lucky we are second time round. It sounds like youre doing a great job. Ignore all the stares and do what you need to do for your baby to sleep. Parents that havent had these challenges just wont understand, and hang in there, at some point it does get easier and they do start to sleep more "normally" :-) Thanks for sharing this on #MarvMondays. Emily

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    I'm Dave, dad of Little Bear. Also known as 'Pappa' to the little man as we try and bring out his Swedish roots

    My wife and I are sharing the troubles and joys of bringing up Little Bear equally. This is about my half of the time being responsible for not breaking the baby

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