There’s an obsession with milestones. From the moment they’re out, we’re waiting to see our little ones focus, smile and laugh, then role, grab and crawl, cruise, clap, wave, dance, eat, build, sort, waddle and speak. Should parents be so keen? Why don't we hear about the downsides?
We might be keen on seeing the milestones because we’re building little people, so we like to see when the next brick is firmly in place; or we’re being competitive with other parents because our kid is obviously the best. Dads are generally allowed to be more open about this, although I’ve seen a few mums beam when their baby roles over and 4 months and the 5 month old next to them is struggling to lift its head.
But the big reason is probably that we’re excited about the next new phase. It’s like upgrading your phone, you enjoyed the baby belly shuffling their way round and speaking gibberish, but they just got upgraded and can now move on 4 limbs and shout ‘poo’ at strangers on the bus. Great! What we forget as parents is that learning to crawl, and then walk raises your stress levels a lot. We like milestones because we don’t realise the added stress before the upgrades settle in to our little cutie piglets.
And no one tells you about the milestones that only have down sides. I can’t find anywhere in the milestone websites or books when babies are meant to get really opinionated and start deciding that parents no longer know best. I estimate between 10 and 14 months. Here are a couple of other ‘milestones’ that make parenting more difficult: 1: Pushchair planking (8-11 months) They may love being out, but getting them into the pushchair turns into a wrestling match at this age. Someone needs to design a convex shaped pushchair seat. An especially tough milestone when combined with the discovery of the strap release button. 2: Demolishing bookshelves and dvd racks (7-10 months) This morning this upgraded to removing the dvds from their boxes and licking them. Yummy. 3: Danger magnetism (9-12 months) Little Bear: ‘But why would I play on the matt with the baby toys when I could jump of the coffee table and grab the knives in the dishwasher?’ For more on danger magnetism click here. 4: Nappy changing resistance (7-8 months) I use to find nappy changing a breeze. Little Bear would just lay there smiling while his business is sorted. Then, suddenly, one day he decided that being on his back for nappy changing was overrated. Angry shouting following the struggle with Pappa to keep him from throwing himself over the edge of the changing table. A strategically placed angry foot into the poo filled nappy. The Sudocrem thrown on to the floor. Now the only way to change his nappy is with an iPad or with him standing up. 5: ‘How dare you stop me playing with your toys’ (6-9 months) Whatever is mine is his. Little Bear takes every object of value, my laptop, phone, keys and even my morning cereal bowl and decides it may as well be his, and that I’m an a-hole if I try to stop him deleting my recent blog post. 6: Eye poking (4 months) Tends to coincide with nose poking and ear licking. 6b: Sadism with hysterical eye poking (8-11 months) 7: ‘Sleep is for loosers, I will always be awake’ (*through tired tears) (12-13 months) Particularly dangerous if coinciding with the physical milestone of not fitting in the bouncy chair anymore 8: Biting (10-14 months) Everything is worth a bite, especially parents. When Little Bear gets excited, he’s started squeezing Pappa and Mamma in hysterics and clamping his little teeth on our arms. Our yelp then prompts either a giggle or a laugh (depending on why he’s excited). A few weeks ago we got an ‘injury’ report from nursery. He bit someone and they bit him back. The first of many such notes we’ll be receiving as he grows up, I’m sure. 9: ‘Only daddy or mummy can carry me’ (11-13 months) But you were fine being handed around a few weeks ago, why now, when I’m exhausted, must you be attached to my belly or hip when other people are around! 9: Food belongs on the floor (6-8 months) We have to provide Little Bear with way more food than he’ll eat each snack time. Something’s happening in his little head: ‘One bit for Little Bear… two bits for the floor. One bit for Little Bear, one bit for Pappa’s eye, and two bits for the floor’ But there are also a couple of good’ens that they don’t tell you about either. Such as: 1: Become properly ticklish (4-7 months) 2: Hysterical when being chased (6-9 months) 3: Starts laughing at their own burps, or anything you repeat three times (10-14 months) And this is only to one year. As they get more opinionated, the list of unmentioned milestones will no doubt get longer every month.
38 Comments
23/2/2017 07:12:15 pm
This is just brilliant and I absolutely loved how you likened it to upgrading your phone, classic! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉
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Dave
2/3/2017 09:24:09 am
Thanks! Not looking forward to that one!
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23/2/2017 10:04:22 pm
I thought it was only Peachy who liked to bite us and laugh about it. I was strarting to worry that she has a sadistic streak. Peachy also enjoys throwing food on the floor. I have to give her no more than 3 bits of food at a time or the majority gets tossed. #SharingtheBlogLove
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Dave
2/3/2017 09:25:37 am
Eating is always such a mess. I love the little expressions they give when they're dropping the food too, like they know it's not what they should be doing
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24/2/2017 08:58:03 am
I remember all those milestones! Although at 20 months I can sometimes still convince Doll to have her diaper changed lying down. Sometimes.
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Dave
2/3/2017 09:26:46 am
Arguably the most physically challenging part of parenting at this age
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24/2/2017 10:22:28 am
Oh, the tearing the books off the bookshelf phase I remember very well! It was my son's absolute favourite thing to do, but I genuinely can't remember the last time he did it. Our new milestone is finding poo hilarious - running around shouting "poo, STINKY!" and waving his hand in front of his nose. It's delightful! Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove
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Dace
24/2/2017 10:24:02 am
Sounds hilarious! Looking forward to that
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24/2/2017 12:33:22 pm
Oh having a 6 year old I certainly could add a whole list for each year, it is a good job they are cute and funny isn't it? #SharingtheBlogLove
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Dave
2/3/2017 09:29:01 am
Really makes up for it!
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24/2/2017 08:36:06 pm
Ha Ha, this has had me chuckling! I remember nappy resistance very well from m first as my mum found it funny I could put a nappy on him whilst he was laying on his front or standing up. The joys! My little girl is in the 'I'm going to try and rip your face off' phase. #thatfridaylinky
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Dave
2/3/2017 09:30:09 am
It's quite a skill you never thought a parent needed!
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Dave
2/3/2017 09:31:27 am
Such strong resistance that disappears the second you start moving :) haha
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25/2/2017 05:39:02 pm
Absolutely right! No one told me parenting would involve having eyes in the back of your head constantly and learning to multi-task every hour of the day! It is a true art getting a tantruming child into a car seat or buggy whilst holding bags of shopping and trying to look like you 'got this' in the middle of a busy shopping centre! :)
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Nige
25/2/2017 09:04:12 pm
Love this post it's so true I remember the nappy changing so vividly Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please
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27/2/2017 08:37:14 am
This is lovely AND so true!! Why is it our dull phones and the TV remote are fascinating, but a brightly coloured box of toys just doesn;t have the same appeal!? Thanks for joining #marvmondays x
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Dave
2/3/2017 09:35:27 am
Odd little things :)
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27/2/2017 10:50:51 am
These are brilliant! I could add a few more because my girls are teens - they would involve high heels and alcohol! #fortheloveofBLOG
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27/2/2017 11:09:20 am
Love this. So true. Thanks for linking for #marvmondays
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27/2/2017 11:28:53 am
Haha I love this!! The nappy one is for sure the worst!! I have been covered in it because she wont stay still!! Surely they should be some sort of brace we can fit them with to stop them moving!!
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Dave
2/3/2017 09:34:22 am
Agree, most physically challenging too!
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27/2/2017 11:47:00 am
I love this, one every parent will relate to! #MarvMondays
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27/2/2017 03:35:13 pm
These are great and so accurate! I can confirm that some of those get even more fun as age increases. My daughter will do the buggy plank and is so strong and heavy I can only do my best to stop her falling on the floor. My current 'fave' milestone is where, when presented with 2 options, she doesn't want either of them or anything else. Hmmmm.... #MarvMondays
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Dave
2/3/2017 09:33:30 am
That one would drive me crazy. What can you do!
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27/2/2017 09:32:17 pm
Spot on! Some perfect observations here and brilliantly put!
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28/2/2017 01:05:35 pm
Alice was terrible for resisting her nappy, but thankfully Holly never ticked this milestone off the list and I was happy to bypass it. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove
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2/3/2017 09:58:28 am
Haha I love this.. my daughter is 24 months and is still in a lot of these phases... good luck! #ablogginggoodtime
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Tracey Abrahams
5/3/2017 09:38:17 pm
One you havent added is when they learn a swear word and repeat it constantly (around 2 yrs) even if you show NO reaction they will know.......
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AuthorI'm Dave, dad of Little Bear. Also known as 'Pappa' to the little man as we try and bring out his Swedish roots Categories
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